An article written by Jean Mahserjian Not surprisingly, assets are often hidden in a divorce situation.

Why – well simply greed, or the feelings of betrayal or anger at the need to divide assets in the divorce, or the fear of not having enough after the divorce all motivate the behavior of hiding assets.

In divorce, the parties assets are divided.

Under the divorce laws of some states, they are divided equally and under the divorce laws of other states, they are divided “equitably” or fairly.

Equitably often means equally to overworked divorce judges. There is no way to know in advance if your spouse has or will hide assets in a divorce. You know your spouse better than your divorce attorney will and you will need to alert your attorney to the possibility of your psouse hiding assets.

Before you get to that point, however, there are some easy steps to take to prevent your spouse from being able to hide assets. Those steps include finding out everything you can about your assets before divorce.

Before you alert your spouse that you are considering divorce, you need to complile and/or stockpile documentation about all of your assets. If you do not have knowledge of your marital assets, it is time to find out what is there. If bank and other statements come to the house, open them and write down account numbers and balances. If you have access to the cancelled checks, copy those as well.

It is not unusual for a spouse who is planning a divorce to transfer money to friends or relatives with the plan being that they will give that money back after a divorce is finalized. So, you should review those records and carefully scrutinize all large or suspicious transfers that take place in the two or three years prior to or just after the filing of a divorce action.

Make sure that you know where the copies of your income tax statements are. If your spouse has a business, make sure you have a copy of several years of tax returns for that business. All of these documents can be copied and hidden safely somewhere outsided of the house in the event that you need them.

Taking these simple pre-emptive steps can mean the difference in obtaining a fair settlement in divorce. It will also be incredibly helpful to your divorce attorney to have this information in advance.

If banking and other statements and financial records are not kept at or mailed to your house, you will need to obtain those records in other ways. You can contact the IRS to obtain copies of any tax returns that you signed. Request copies of those returns and have them mailed to a different address – either a friend or relative or your divorce atttorney.

If there are returns that you have not signed, such as business tax records, you will not be able to obtain copies of those returns from the IRS. If you have access to your spouse’s place of business, you may be able to find those tax returns there.

If you are worried about your spouse hiding assets in a divorce, you really do need to find those returns and make copies of them – for as many years as possible.

If you have valuables, antiques, jewelry, art or other collectibles in your home, catalog all of them and if you have appraisals, make copies. It is not unusual for those items to disappear or even to be pawned by a spouse in need of more funds.

If you suspect that your spouse has engaged in some divorce planning and is hiding assets, let your divorce attorney know. Ask your divorce attorney to subpoena records from any other idividual or entity who could be involved in assisting your spouse in hiding those assets. If need be, your attorney can use the services of an investigator to help to obtain financial records that have been withheld.
About the Author
Attorney Jean Mahserjian is the author of numerous websites and books devoted to helping consumers through the process of separation and divorce. To download free excerpts from her family law books, visit: http://www.millenniumdivorce.com

An article by Tracy Achen Successfully releasing your anger will help you begin healing after your divorce. Right now you may feel a great deal of rage at your ex-husband.

You might be thinking that if it weren’t for him, your life wouldn’t be so messed up. These feelings are actually a necessary part of your healing.

Acknowledging Anger

Wouldn’t you just love to tell him what a sorry human being he is? How he didn’t respect you and treated you like dirt. Well, do It! Take a piece of paper and write down everything that he did wrong. Release all the anger that has been bottled up. Get it all off your chest. Tell him how he hurt your feelings and how you suffered to make the marriage work.

Don’t be surprised if this letter goes on for pages, just get it all out.

Now for the important part…….Do Not Give Him This Letter! It would only re-enforce the impact that he had on your life. Burn it or throw it away. Allow yourself to release that anger and resentment. It’s over and done with. You’ve acknowledged the hurt and are now ready to figure out what went wrong and move on.

Gaining Insight

Gaining insight into why your marriage failed helps you to move on to healthier relationships in the future. Start by thinking about what attracted you to him in the first place. Maybe he was handsome, strong, or wealthy. What benefits did you get from the marriage? Maybe it was security, companionship, or a sense of belonging.

These are the things that are important to your core being, and the difficulties in your marriage probably stemmed from threats to these areas.

Perspective

Knowing what part he played in the problems is easy, but you also need to recognize how you contributed. Owning up to responsibility is probably the hardest part.

Most women grew up with the image of the  ‘White Knight’ who rides in and takes charge. The princess falls in love and stands behind her man. The only problem is that this fairy tale usually doesn’t have a happy ending because the power of choice is removed. You are swept through life by circumstances and decisions of others.

If you can own up to your participation in the marriage, you have gained power. For example, by admitting that you stayed in a bad marriage for economic reasons, you therefore, can choose to find a good paying job and leave.

When your perspective is one of choice, you gain power and control over your life.

Admitting that you put up with a bad situation out of choice allows you now to make decisions to do things differently in your new life. Once you accept responsibility for your life, be careful to not turn your anger inward. You did the best you could in your given situation. It’s in the past, and you now have the power to move forward. Release the hold that anger has over helps you to regain control over your life again. You no longer need to feel like a victim, and your self esteem will begin to rise.

About the Author
Tracy Achen is the author of  “DIVORCE 101: A Woman’s Guide to Divorce”, and publisher of a website to help women cope with divorce. At WomansDivorce.com we have one focus:  helping women survive their divorce and rebuild their lives.
For additional articles and information on divorce, visit the web site at <a href=”http://www.womansdivorce.com”>http://www.womansdivorce.com</a>

Divorce, no doubt is an intricate phase in one’s life, several issues have to be resolved, vivid memories of the past have to be deleted, self-esteem and confidence have to be rejuvenated, and the deep laceration that divorce leaves behind have to be provided healing touch.

You may feel exasperated dealing with divorce trepidations, and in such a scenario you definitely will not have the time as well as energies to devote to dating.
Several questions will impinge your mind simultaneously such as, “Would someone really want me?” or “Would anyone find me attractive?” or “Will I ever learn to date again?”

During excruciating divorce proceedings you may feel lonely and desire the camaraderie of someone. You may also find someone, but he/she may only be lending a sympathetic shoulder for you to cry up on and may soon be fed up of your problems with ex-spouse, children, in-laws or daily trips to New York lawyers firm.

Do not rush into a new relationship in haste because it will be built on a weak foundation and in no time it will crumble. Moreover, it is not good to initiate a new relationship while the trails of the past relationship have still not
disappeared, that is you are still in the last stages of your official or final separation.

Not only will it save you some explanation in the court, but it will also speed up the process and free you in no time.

Now that you are single and ready to mingle, you should first focus on whether dating is right for you or not. Do not let others compel you to rush or go slow, take your own decisions. The divorce tempest must have left you perplexed.

Give yourself some time to revert back to a normal being. Do things that lift
up your spirits and make you feel more confident. Work on improving your own self and self-esteem. Take good care of yourself. Join a gym to tone up your physique, eat healthy, and get a facial, streaks in your hair and a manicure. Give yourself a complete makeover, buy new accessories, clothes, etc.

This will help you to triumph over the horrendous past.

Take time to think about your children.

Be prepared for their medley of reactions about your new relationship. They may be supportive or they may simply not support your new relationship.
They may sabotage your dating plans, whine when you’re on the phone, misbehave when your date arrives, fail to give you messages, and otherwise throw a wrench into your best-laid plans. Do not forget that your children have gone through the same grieving process as you have. Remember your date can possibly never replace their other parent, so give them time,
eventually you will find your children beside you.

Resist the temptation of someone who is totally different from your  ex-spouse. Remember, that there were a lot of things about your ex-spouse that appealed you once up on a time. For heaven’s sake do not indulge in any relationship just to wage revenge on your ex. Nobody relishes an emotional roller coaster ride. Your first relationship should be a healing experience. It should revitalize your feelings, and your emotions. It is the best time to rediscover yourself.

It is not necessary that the first  relationship should be a long one or last forever. Don’t be bog down if a break up occurs because at least you got a chance to wet your feet.

About the author:

Anubha is studying computers and also works as a part time freelance writer. Her articles are regularly published at reputed websites. Read more articles written by Anubha at:

Dating
Sizzlers and Bollywood Sizzlers

There is no end to the pain and guilt you will feel when your needs conflict with the perceived needs of your children. After all, you know you would gladly give your own life for the life of your child, so how come you can’t just go through the motions and make the relationship work for the benefit of the children?

The fact is that many couples try to do just that. They remain in a loveless, tense and unfulfilling relationship “for the sake of the kids”. What these couples forget is that children are very perceptive. They notice things, such as how their parents do not exchange loving looks or glances, how they no longer touch each other, how they just don’t seem happy when they’re with one another. They sense the tension, and worst of all, they oftentimes think it is their own fault.

They will go to great lengths to try to make mommy and daddy happy again, and since the unhappiness has nothing to do with them, they are doomed to failure. The marital unhappiness becomes their own unhappiness, and they end up carrying it with them just as much as their parents.

Unhappily married couples who stay together for the sake of the kids think they are giving a gift to their children, yet they may in fact be causing great pain and sorrow to the ones they wish to protect the most.

When it comes to divorcing with children, honesty is the best policy. Words cannot put into full effect the importance of you and your partner remaining civil towards each other, and dealing with the changes brought about by divorce in an honest and open fashion. Do not plan your divorce while subsequently hiding the change from your children, as they will sense that something is different and will not understand what is going on.

If at all possible, sit them down together and explain clearly and patiently the changes that will be coming their way. Expect them to be upset, reassure them that it is not their fault and that you both will still love them and be in their lives. If you are struggling with how to tell them, it may be beneficial for you and you partner to go to counseling for a few sessions to learn how to best present divorcing for your kids.

The right counselor can help guide you towards the appropriate methods for the ages of your children, and help with any questions you may have about the emotional process. Divorcing with children is never easy, and there will be some difficult and emotional times. Yet children ultimately want to see their parents happy, and for that, a divorce is sometimes necessary.

However, with the divorce rate constantly increasing, more and more people are holding those papers in their hands. I’ve seen coworkers be served with divorce paper at the workplace and know how much it can destroy someone. Even if you know that they will be arriving, it still strikes some emotion inside of you that makes it a tearful event.

Those divorce papers symbolize the end of something that should have been wonderful. Maybe some people long to hold them in their hand so that they would finally be free from their misery.

More divorce lawyers are setting up shop all around the world.

You know why? Because there is a demand for them since more marriages are not working out. It saddens me to see people filing for divorce when they may not have tried any other options. I personally didn’t get married to get divorced, so if my marriage is on shaky grounds, I’ll do whatever I can to restore it. However, if something drastic happens or things really are impossible, then I’d be willing to let go.

Divorce sometimes seems too easy and almost as if you’re giving up without even trying. When you say “I do”, make sure you go as far as you can before having those divorce forms served to your spouse.

I’ve seen divorce papers destroy lives as well. The coworker who received hers at work, headed for a downward spiral after that. Until that moment, she’d been hopeful about her marriage working out, and he shocked her by having them delivered to her. She had a nervous breakdown and has never fully recovered.

After receiving divorce advice, you have the “fun” task of dividing up property, assets and finances. Perhaps you need to work out alimony or child support and custody. There are so many things involved. One of both of the partners could have their credit ruined from a divorce. You’ll also discover how much more arguing can take place after filing for divorce.

Suddenly, items that you never thought your spouse cared about are being fought over. Sometimes, pets may even become a topic of discussion.

Your divorce papers will always play a role in your life. They should be kept in a safe place in case they’d ever be needed for legal purposes. Don’t ever throw them away. You’ll need them if and when you do ever get remarried.

You may need them to prove a legal divorce someday if your spouse ends up getting in financial trouble.

Even though you may know it is the right decision to make, you still had a dream when you first married that is now dying before your eyes. The effects of divorce often hit you when you least expect them, and can affect you in ways you may not have known. Life as you know it is over, but now you have a chance for new beginning.

If you have children, you have more to think about than just yourself. When parents separate, children can often blame themselves. The effects of divorce can stay with them for the rest of their life. It is up to you to make things easier for them, and to make them understand that the divorce had nothing to do with them. If you do not take time to discuss the effects of divorce with your children, you may be sentencing them to a lifetime of bad relationships, and troubles that you may not be able to undo In the future.

Divorce is never easy, but you can lessen the pain for everyone.

The first thing you have to do, is deal with the effects of divorce as it pertains to your life. You have to quickly come to terms with the divorce, even if you are not sure that you want to. If you hang onto something that has died, you will find you are living with false hope. This will stop you from moving on.

You are not going to be able to help your children with the effects of divorce if you cannot face it yourself. Though this is hard to do, you have to find a way to do it, and a way to do it quickly.

If you want to lessen the effects of divorce on your children, you and your spouse have to talk to them as a unified front. Even though you are no longer married, you are still both parents to these children. They need to know that you are both there for them, and that things have not changed. You may not be all living together in the same house any longer, but you are still a family.

They also need to know that they can feel secure in knowing that both parents will always be there for them no matter what happens in the future. There will always be some of effects of divorce that will change your children’s lives, but how you handle it will go a long way towards making it easier for them to handle. They have relied on you their entire lives to take care of them, and now that things are changing, they need you even more.